Saturday, June 7, 2008

Elves elves elves


I'm busy with exams and such, but I decided to filler you guys up (all two of you), so I'll post a couple of the ones I did before I did this blog.

This one is based on a tale narrated to me by a friend. It was a game I'd been playing in, as a drow paladin of Moradin (tee hee), but I had to quit for schedule reasons; they decided they needed a healer and at some point roped in this other guy, who agreed to be a healer and then made said half-dragon elf cleric and proceeded to launch himself merrily into combat instead.


Eventually, the story goes, the party got heartily sick of it and when he happened to be in the way of a potential target, well, the sorcerer didn't hold back.

Instead of resurrecting him, they made a necklace of his ears and moved on. Apparently he still rolled a new character after that...


Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to ramble.


What is it with people and noble, nature-loving white-skinned prettyboy elves? If those ones turn out to be a "dying race" or one whose "time has passed", I am going to shoot myself.

At least it's better than Gorean orcs.

Really, what is it with them? A forest-dwelling nature race is not a bad idea. It is actually good to cover all your bases (well, an entire setting of mountain races has its charm as well, but usually...), but really, that doesn't mean you have to shit all over them.

There isn't anything inherently bad about most common elf traits unless you're the kind of person who associates everything with its worst stereotype and is secretly worried they're gay. In fact, fuck those guys too. I've played with people who will patiently explain that elves will "always" be arrogant tree-lovers which they hate, and treat them as such in every setting from Warhammer to Dark Sun. I've played with people who will introduce their own Mary Sue homebrew race into a setting, and write their own ham-fisted retcon of its history to make elves evil Nazis for its own sake. (This is particularly annoying if it is your homebrew setting). Anyone who takes it this far needs to grow up.

And it's still not as bad as this.

I'm not saying throw everything out entirely and make a completely new elf - my homebrew gets along fine with dinosaur-taming civilised jungle dwellers with a small "vanilla but no arrogant elf" country for the lazy.. Just.... no more Tolkien-esque oh-so-perfect haughty jerks. We've had enough of those.

Oh yeah, and no more of this subrace rubbish. You don't need a different kind of elf for every climate, class, culture and bucket. Where are the aquatic dwarves? The dark orcs? The star goblins? The evil aquatic gnomes who turn into sharks? Unless it works in the context of your setting, please give some thought to the other races or just stick to one kind of elf. Or two. And maybe drow.

And cut this shit out too.