Monday, January 26, 2009

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

I can't decide if I care enough about this blog to want it to be read. If I do, I clearly need some controversial opinions and I need to swear while I explain them.


Fuck everybody who thought there was something wrong with 3.x Edition paladins. Go sit in a corner and have a think about what "losing your paladin powers if you grossly violate the code of conduct" means and learn to understand the concept of some fucking leeway. Fuck DMs who think trying to force the paladin to lose his powers is good roleplaying. Fuck people who insist paladins have to be shining idealist knights who have to help every innocent they come across. Seriously, fuck you guys. Go learn to fucking roleplay and stop treating the code of conduct like a fucking crutch. You retards are the reason they dumbed down the alignment system and everything else in 4th "hay guys aasimar sounds like ass lol" Edition.

See that? I managed to work in a 4th Edition reference and I haven't even read it yet.

Well, normally I try to relate my post to the comic I drew, so here we go.

One of the games I run is in a homebrew steampunk setting for /tg/, or at least people I know from /tg/. General gist: It is steampunk, all the cool cities have science academies and universities, major outsiders like Levistus walk the world in de-powered avatars building money and influence, dapper neogi and dieselpunk nation "advised" by Mephistopheles are the villains. Fun times.

That last comic was real, by the way. One of the PCs (first time I've played with this guy) is an "anthro-cat" sorcerer with a triple-barreled sniper rifle, a fez and a monkey familiar. He is working on a small mecha in his spare time. Most of those things are just things the player feels are awesome.

I'm strangely okay with it.

Apparently I am very tolerant, despite my usual habit (along with everyone else who plays on the internet) of being a passive-aggressive bitch about it when I have a problem. My favourite one is complaining about people behind their backs and not doing much about it, and my players apparently don't read this shit, so...

The other players not so much. Some are fine and just find it a little irritating (it doesn't help that the player sometimes has a showboat problem, but whatever), some are probably going to knife him ASAP.

As for the above: the party went on an adventure to a small peninsula adjacent to their usual country, inhabited by druids, at the request of the party druid. (Not much change from D&D ones, except more scholary and with hundreds of weird nature deities.) They took a train to a town at the border and prepared to journey the rest of the way by boat. While they prepared, the sniper sorcerer kitty looked for a clock tower...

He wanted to use his powers for good and shoot criminals. He tried to shoot a purse-snatcher. He actually wanted to wing the guy and stun him, but the argument on whether that is possible turned out to be a moot point since he missed and smashed a shop window anyway. Then he called out death threats and argued with another PC who called for him from the clock tower, narrowly evaded the watch, smiled smugly as he escaped, etc.

Later they secured a boat ride from a blue-skinned large-chested amazon pirate drow captain wearing a swimsuit and a cape, because I am a terrible DM. Really. I'm sorry. At least all drow in this setting are like that!

Anyway, there was (naturally) an argument, or at least something approaching one. The crochety old druid told off the sorcerer and banged him on the head with his cane, then the sorcerer ignored him and wandered off.

A few minutes later the player had to leave early, and hasn't been around since. (I've been having attendance problems with this game for months now). In his absence, the party druid has decided to push him off the boat. Progress has been made in the adventure since then and the PC hasn't been seen, so everyone has been acting as though he drowned or something.

He's going to be back tomorrow, though. I am not sure what will await me. Perhaps someone will start a fight and someone will get killed, or everyone will be okay with him now. Who knows.

At least I am not short of players. For some reason I have enough people waiting in the wings to start a second group if I wanted to. One guy who contacted me via this blog asking (incidentally, panjandrum, if you're reading this: you are totally next if a spot opens), a guy I DMed for before who wants me to tell stories about how great his character is and is terrible at the old subtle "I'll just make a character sheet for fun. Hey, can I watch your game?" trick, a guy who is surprisingly normal about it, and the ex of one of the players. (Apparently she has already started work on her character too and her description is over 4,000 words. I have no idea if I should be scared or not.)

That's probably the central problem I'm having here. Should I be afraid of random strangers I haven't met yet? Do I worry too much or too little about what kind of people play in my games? Are anthro-cats weird or not?

Remember when I said I'd look at my flaws as a DM? That is probably one of them. I am wary of new players and indecisive about the ones I am already with. As flaws go, though, it's Pretty Okay (TM).